Kaylum Truong

Feedback on your four UC essays

Last November, I was writing four UC Personal Insight Questions of my own. I rewrote the opening of one of them at least three times.

What helped was having someone read a draft and ask me why I cared about any of it, and I wrote my answer down that same day. Now I'm a student at Pomona College, and I read drafts for this year's seniors.

How it works

It costs $240 for all four responses.

First, I read your four drafts and leave comments in your Google Doc, with a short note on what I would change first.

Second, we meet on Google Meet for 45 minutes to go through the comments and decide what the next draft should do.

Third, you revise, and I read the new draft once and send my last notes.

I send the first comments within two days of getting your drafts. The UC application is due November 30, and I'd send drafts by November 22 to leave yourself time to revise.

A paragraph from my own draft

This is a paragraph from an early draft of one of my UC essays, with the comments I would give it now.

I went down the road to appear more inviting because I knew we looked threatening all grouped together.1 While we were handing out sandwiches, I noticed we weren’t passing out any water. I was concerned. It was a warm day.2 I didn’t see any water fountains nearby, nor could I think of any reason why a water fountain would randomly be on a street.3 There was no way these people had access to safe and clean drinking water in the middle of the second largest city of the most wealthy nation on Earth.4
  1. I like this detail, but I can't picture it yet because I don't know who "we" is or where you're standing. I would say that first.
  2. These two short sentences work, and I would keep them.
  3. This is 17 words about a fountain that isn't there. I think "I didn't see any water fountains nearby" already says it.
  4. This is where the paragraph stops being about you, and I would rather know what you did about the water.
  5. The paragraph ends before anything happens. I would cut the last sentence and use those 29 words on walking up to the supervisors.

Here is how the final version started.

I thought of the water when we passed out sandwiches in Downtown LA.

Halfway through the distribution, I realized there wasn’t any water.

Hesitantly, I approached the supervisors before being told that there was no water due to safety concerns.

The line about the city is gone, and I'm talking to the supervisors by the fourth paragraph.

What I don't do

You write every word.

I don't write or rewrite sentences for you, and I don't put your drafts into AI tools. I ask questions, and I point to the places where I got lost while I was reading. I can't promise an admission result.

About me

I applied to college last year, and I'm now a student at Pomona College. In high school, I taught Python at Codely, a free tutoring program for younger students, and I ran it in my last year. I taught about 40 students over three years. I always felt bad when my students wanted to stay longer but couldn’t.

I'm working with four students before the UC deadline.

Start here

Email me at the address below, and I'd be happy to set up a free 15-minute call, whatever time is most convenient for you.

kaylum.truong.college@gmail.com

It would help to know which UC campuses you're applying to, which four prompts you chose, and how far along each draft is. I was wondering if you could also tell me how you found this page. If you're under 18, please include a parent or guardian on the email.

After the call, you share your drafts and pay by Zelle before I start reading. After November 30, I also read supplements for other colleges at $90 per school.

I look forward to speaking with you!